Monday, December 14, 2009

Birthday Mello Roos

I've been a mom for almost 13 years. My kids have had all sorts of friends and playmates over those years. Nice ones, nasty ones. I've been aghast at the cruelty of five year old girls who make fun of fat people and I've been mesmerized by the charity of 8 year olds. But rarely have I been flummoxed as I was today by a classmate of my daughter's. Lets call her Chutzpasha.

Chutzpasha just had a birthday party this past weekend. A big gala affair with at least twenty or thirty kids invited. Including my daughter. My daughter decided she'd rather skip the festivities. Her own sister's party was at the same time, and she wanted to be there. She and Chutzie are hardly bff's. Plus the last time she visited this particular party bounce house palace, she broke her arm & the owners were very mean to her, accusing her of being a big baby. Hell if we were going back! But I digress. My daughter was an ixnay on the artypay.

Which was a relief. Because frankly, with the holiday season, teacher gifts, adopt a needy family gifts (umm, how needy is needy? Cause I am thinking we are two tanks of gas away from qualifying here), secret santas, school fundraisers etc, we are TAPPED OUT. Scraping the bottom of the holiday cashpoor bucket. I knit my husband a sweater for Hanukkah. I made toys out of old socks. You get the picture.

Apparently I was mistaken in my assumption that we did not have to get Chutzpasha a gift, however. A mistake that she has seen fit to correct quite vociferously. There are credit card calling centers in India who could use this kid to shake down defaulted accounts. Two text messages, a phone message and a few live calls came in rapid succession today. I think there were deadlines and vague threats of further action alluded to. My daughter was starting to twitch every time her phone bleeped in the same way I twitch when I think my Amex card might not go through. Like she wished a giant hole in the time space continuum would just open up and take her away from the consumerverse. If only for a brief moment.

I may not be an etiquette expert, but last time I checked, it wasn't mandatory to gift at parties for kids you are not close with, when you did not attend the party. But I admire Chutzie's well developed sense of entitlement which is why I have come up with the following options as gifts. Please vote in the comments and/or suggest other ideas?

1. Flaming bag of poo
2. Etiquette handbook
3. In Lieu notification (donation to Smile Train or local kid's charity)

I have to wonder what Chutzpasha's mom would thing of her daughter's demands. She'd probably be mortified. I know I would be! But one thing's for sure. The next time anyone is late paying me? I'm calling that kid.


Juvie said...

How about a $10 share of a pig from Heifer International?

Candice said...

a coupon for a swift kick in the arse courtesy of you. I would have half a mind to call her mom and let her know about her daughter's antics. No better gift then embarassment.

hezro said...

I just stumbled onto your blog and I have to say this is so, so funny!!! Good luck!

Kim @ Money and Risk said...

Oh my,

That's just awful. I think you need to let the mom know. It might be that the mom actually approve and support that kind of behavior.

I was speaking with a teacher over the weekend who got put on probation because she lectured her students about how inappropriate it was for them to laugh, make fun of other people and interrupt during a church service. The parents complained to the school that their children were being stifled.

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